My Life is Like a Sitcom Where I Get into Different Adventures Every Episode

Today, I did surveillance on a subject, followed her to two different malls, tailed her inside a department store, even pretending to browse the lingerie section “for my grandma,” had time to flirt with the MAC sales ladies, almost busted some shoplifters at the mall because the associates thought I was some badass street cop with lots of tattoos, followed my subject back home, spent two hours at the coffee shop planning my business empire in the Philippines, talked with a friendly country ass dude about bass fishing at Field & Stream, was close to getting a beautiful new pistol, and, last but not least: ate a delicious melted cheese panini. The end.


When I was leaving the coffee shop, I saw this pinned by the door. I was going to make it a side pro bono investigation. I didn’t care about the reward–I would’ve donated it to the Humane Society if I was awarded–I simply hate seeing people do despicable things to defenseless animals.

The assignment in that part of town is complete and I have a stack of cases to work on, but I wanted to post this to remind pet owners to be more vigilant when taking their dogs outside. You have to treat cats and  dogs as if they’re babies; they depend on you for safety. Also, if you happen to be from the Friendswood area, try to crack this case during your free time and put these sadistic culprits behind bars. Thanks.