Lawyered Up

My business partner/friend asked me earlier if we should start looking for a law firm to help us with our legal matters in the future. Honestly, I only have two requirements for a lawyer:

1. He has an impeccable track record.

2. He’s Jewish. I want a badass Jew from New York who won’t take any shit from anyone– like the tough Jews I grew up with in Brooklyn–and will fight hard for his clients. In fact, I want this guy to wear a yarmulke when he kicks the courtroom doors open. I want the type of Jew who puts a gigantic menorah decoration on his lawn during Christmas to piss off his Christian neighbors.

That goes for my criminal defense lawyers as well (not that I’ll ever need them, I hope).